Cooking And Cleaning: Gender Role Or Life Skill?

Cooking And Cleaning: Gender Role Or Life Skill?

The only thing that constantly causes an argument between men and women on social media aside from money is cooking/cleaning. 

This argument is had every eke market day, on various social media platforms, and even in person. It is usually disguised in different ways. You hear questions like; isn’t it a woman’s job to do the cooking and cleaning? Who should cook in a relationship? If you go to a man’s house for the first time, should you clean? and so on…..

You would think that over the years the need to ask this question would have waned but guess what, it hasn’t. Especially when it has ruined marriages, relationships and even caused the death of women. 

Now, in a traditional Nigerian home, the entirety of the housework (cooking/cleaning) falls on the woman. Many Nigerians grew up in houses where the mom did nothing but cook and clean all day. This is why the nursery rhyme ” mommy in the kitchen cooking food, daddy in the parlor watching ball..” came into existence. 

It seemed like a taboo to let the male child into the kitchen in most Nigerian families especially when they had female children. The boys had everything handled for them down to the laundry and this has caused so many problems. 

Many young Nigerian men go into relationships hoping to have their every domestic need catered to. It makes you wonder how they coped when they were single and living alone. Did they outsource the work? Do it themselves? Or find a way to meander themselves out of it? 

If you are one of the many Nigerians who saw their mother slave away in the kitchen for hours every day, even during celebrations and Ill health. There’s no doubt you won’t want that for yourself or anyone you care about. 

So it is quite shocking to see men who saw their mothers go through this, decide to heap the same level of stress on their girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. 

An insurmountable number of women have complained severally about how men expected them to handle several domestic tasks even while working full time. 

A lot of men use the amount of cooking and cleaning done by their women in the relationship to ascertain how marriageable they are. Some even go as far as giving them outrageous cooking tasks at an obscene time to “test” them. Imagine your boyfriend, or fiancé waking you up by 3 a.m to pound yam or cook pepper soup. 

This just makes you wonder, would a single man wake up by that time to cook for himself? Or would he wait just like every normal human till it was daytime? 

How Sharing Household Responsibilities Drives Societal Progress and Gender Equality

Sharing household responsibilities between men and women is more than just a practical arrangement; it’s a catalyst for broader societal progress and gender equality. When both genders equally engage in daily tasks like cooking and cleaning, it fosters a balanced and harmonious home environment. This equilibrium at the micro-level has ripple effects, contributing significantly to societal well-being.

Shifting Perspectives and Breaking Norms

Recent times have provided a unique opportunity to redefine traditional gender roles. As more men spend time at home, a shift in their perspective towards household duties is evident. They are increasingly taking on tasks traditionally seen as “women’s work,” which not only lightens the load at home but also challenges long-standing stereotypes. This shift is crucial because true gender equality emerges not just through policies or slogans but through changed attitudes and actions.

Building Foundations for Gender Equality

Incorporating men into daily household routines establishes a strong foundation for gender equality. It reinforces the notion that housework is not gender-specific but a shared responsibility. This approach not only promotes fairness but also instills a sense of respect and understanding between partners. Over time, these changes in individual households can lead to a cultural transformation, gradually dismantling the ingrained gender biases.

Long-term Benefits for Society

As households embrace this equitable distribution of chores, society benefits collectively. Children raised in such environments learn the value of equality naturally and are likely to continue this practice in their own lives. Moreover, with both partners contributing to household duties, women may find more freedom and time to pursue career opportunities, further closing the gender gap in the workplace.

Key Points:

  • Harmony and Balance: Shared responsibilities lead to a more balanced home life, which positively affects personal well-being and relationships.
  • Cultural Shift: Active participation of men in home chores shifts cultural norms, promoting real gender equality.
  • Educational Impact: Children observe and mimic this equality, setting the stage for future generations.
  • Economic Empowerment: By liberating time for women’s professional growth, it contributes to narrowing the gender pay gap.

In conclusion, sharing household responsibilities is a powerful tool for societal advancement, laying the groundwork for a more equitable and just world.

This is why I ask the question: is cooking and cleaning a gender role or life skill?

It is impossible to say every human doesn’t clean, male, or female. Even animals clean after themselves. So why does it seem like it is a woman’s duty to cook and clean? When we all know a man who lives alone must clean himself and his home. So why does it seem that once he enters a relationship the sole responsibility of cooking and cleaning falls on the woman? 

To some people, it is taboo for a married man to cook and clean in his own home. They see it as him doing “wifely duties”.  

The worst part of this debacle is how men would make their fiancées stay with their mothers for some time. So the mother can critically examine her cooking and cleaning skills. Sadly, even women subscribe to this idea of belittling a woman’s entire personality and achievements to her domestic skills. 

The Covid-19 pandemic has created a unique chance to reshape social perceptions around gender roles, especially in household tasks. With many men now working from home or spending more time indoors, they often take on responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. This shift in daily routines has the potential to challenge longstanding cultural norms.

Why is this significant? Historically, household chores have been viewed predominantly as women’s work. However, as men participate more actively in these tasks, the traditional gender-based division of labor begins to dissolve. This hands-on experience may cultivate a more balanced view of household responsibilities.

Beyond slogans and regulations: Achieving true gender equality in domestic roles requires more than just advocacy or legal measures. It demands a cultural change driven by action. When men consistently engage in everyday chores, it sets a powerful precedent for future generations.

As these new habits become ingrained, we move closer to a society where domestic duties are shared equally, reflecting true gender equality. Thus, the pandemic has inadvertently acted as a catalyst for a profound shift in the perception of gender roles in the home.

The Covid-19 Impact on Household Chores: A Struggle for Working Women

The Covid-19 pandemic has added layers of complexity to the lives of working women, especially when it comes to managing household chores. Take Ayesha Ahmed from Dhaka, for instance. Despite her company’s remote work policy, relief from her hectic schedule remains elusive. Juggling between office assignments and household duties such as cooking and cleaning has become an overwhelming task.

Breaking Down Stereotypes

The pandemic has highlighted persistent stereotypes about gender roles. Ayesha’s experience echoes a societal belief: women are expected to shoulder all domestic responsibilities while maintaining their professional careers. This dual burden raises the question of fairness and the need for a more balanced distribution of duties at home.

Real-Life Scenarios

Consider Farzana, a high-ranking official at a private bank in Dhaka. Her life turned upside down when the pandemic struck. Initially perceived as a vacation at home, the reality quickly hit hard when household help was dismissed as a preventive measure. Suddenly, she found herself solely responsible for meal preparation and other chores. Her situation is not unique, symbolizing a widespread challenge for many career-oriented women during the pandemic.

The Need for Equitable Solutions

The pandemic has underscored the necessity of redefining household roles to support working women better. It’s crucial to foster an environment where responsibilities are equitably shared, ensuring that women are not disproportionately burdened by domestic tasks. Only through such changes can we hope to achieve true work-life balance in this new normal.

How Individuals Embrace Shared Household Responsibilities

After battling with digestive issues for years, Sizan Ahmed Jim found himself taking control of the kitchen. Living independently while working for a television channel, he realized sooner exposure to cooking could have smoothed his transition. Jim’s journey highlights how necessity can drive individuals to pick up essential skills, transforming their wellbeing and lifestyle along the way.

Towfiq Ahmed, an executive at a prominent company, sees shared tasks as a matter of responsibility rather than a gendered obligation. He advocates for the notion that cooking should be practiced by all, not just viewed as a hobby. This perspective shifts traditional norms, encouraging a more equitable approach to household duties.

Similarly, Samiur Rahman, serving as a support coordinator in Australia, underscores the importance of collective family involvement in chores. For him, participating in household tasks isn’t about offering a helping hand to women but fulfilling a common family duty. His experience with a gender-sensitive upbringing instilled in him the values of equality and shared responsibility, inspiring others to redefine their approach to domestic life.

These stories reflect a broader cultural shift as more individuals embrace shared responsibilities, recognizing the benefits and fairness of equitable household management.

Don’t be mistaken, there is nothing wrong with a woman cooking and cleaning in a relationship or marriage. But shouldn’t it be a cause for concern when women are constantly harassed and insulted when they make known their lack of interest in cooking and cleaning? 

It is disheartening that in this century, a woman can achieve many great things but would only be perceived as having real value if she cooks and cleans. 

So my question to men in relationships is, are you making your partner do domestic chores you wouldn’t even do yourself? If yes, why? 

And to the women in relationships, are you happy bearing the sole responsibility of cooking and cleaning? Is it a requirement from your partner? If yes, how do you feel about it? 

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